Priyanshu, 17 years old, works hard and has secured top grades in his previous board exam. His parents and teachers are proud of him. But Priyanshu is in constant pressure of securing good marks and anxious about how his parents would react if he couldn’t crack the entrance exam. He doesn’t interact with his peers and talks little with his parents and sibling at home. He feels anxious to participate in group activities and later feels guilty for not doing it.


While Priyanshu excels in academics, his confidence in starting a conversation with people and doing a group activity is slowly decreasing. This results in further emotional distress and anxiety. Not being able to identify, understand and manage his emotions or communicate effectively, his life outside academics seems restricted.


Some questions arise here- will Priyanshu’s academic intelligence be able to provide a better workplace experience and healthy relationships in his life? Or do we need emotional intelligence for a better understanding of ourselves?


So, what exactly is emotional intelligence, and what can you do to improve yours?


What is Emotional Intelligence?


Emotional Intelligence, in simple words, is the ability to recognise your emotions, understanding what they are telling you, how you will manage them and how your emotions affect people around you. The term was made popular by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.


Let’s understand the components of Emotional intelligence


Self-awareness: It is about understanding yourself- what are you feeling at this moment, your drives and needs, your strength and weakness. If you are a student, you have to understand in which subjects you do well and in which you are average. If you are a manager, you might know that tight deadlines bring out the worst in yourself. 


Motivation: It is enjoying achievement for its own sake. A passion for the work you do, optimism and energy to improve are the key hallmarks of an emotionally intelligent and motivated person.


Self-management: It is the ability to manage and redirect disruptive impulses. It is not letting your emotions crippling you but guiding your emotions in a positive direction. For example, you are the leader of a group presentation in a class test. You are getting angry with your partners because they are not doing enough and you can’t complete it alone. Instead of screaming, you can explain the topic and come up with a plan where every member will have to do an equal amount of work.?


Empathy: It is the ability to understand others’ emotions. Your partner had a tiresome week at the office and he/she wants to take rest during the weekend. But both of you had planned for a party this weekend. Now you have to realise that he/she can’t organise and attend the party. Instead of fighting over this, you can understand her situation and cancel the party for next weekend.


Social Skills: social skill is building a relationship with others to move them in desired directions.


Why Emotional intelligence is important?


When we look at leaders in some of the most successful companies, it’s clear that all of these leaders have and demonstrate high levels of all the key components of emotional intelligence. 


Every day we make emotionally charged decisions in personal, academic, romantic and professional life. We feel plan A is better than plan B and we sometimes make choices based on our gut feelings. When we understand the origin and source of these emotions, especially when working in a team, we are more attuned to each other.


In the Indian education system, more focus is on marks and cracking exams ignoring the mental and emotional well-being of the students. But like the case of Priyanshu who has good marks but doesn’t possess the necessary social skills and emotional adjustment, it will be hard to survive in the workplace and maintain healthy relationships. 


We live in an era where we can get a certificate in any course, thanks to technology. Sadly, we can’t earn one in emotional intelligence. It is something we have to address as individuals, as parents, as teachers and as counsellors. We have to recognise it as important, choose to learn about it more, develop it and continue to work on it throughout our lives to become better parents, better employees, better leaders, better spouses and all-round better people.





References:

Goleman D., Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ, Bloomsbury,1996